Cars Communicating: Do we really want them talking to each other?

"Vizzini" (993Dave) 02/03/2014 at 17:10 • Filed to: Connected Cars

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We can only imagine the inter-car dialog going on at silicon-brain speeds:

Jaguar XJ, arriving at intersection: "I say, old boy, would it be too much to ask for you to kindly apply your binders so as to preclude the inopportune rearrangement of our bonnets?"

Mercedes S-Class, arriving at same intersection: "You vill obserff zat I haff ze right of vay. No, I vill not halt. Zat iss for you to do."

Jaguar XJ: "Ah, I see. This is ... most unpleasant. Your position on this matter is most regrettable. I must insist, however, that I am in the right and that it falls to you, sir, to avoid what is sure to be an incident that would be viewed with ill-will on all sides."

Mercedes S-Class: "Furzer discussions are wizzout merit. You vill move out of my vay. As you see, ozzers haff been far more ... accommodating."

Citroen C6, pulled over on verge: "What? What izz eet you sink I could do?"

Jaguar XJ: "Most disappointing, most disappointing. Very well. There must be something we can do. Will you promise to not to cut anyone else off?"

Mercedes S-Class: "I vill."

Jaguar XJ: "Capital! There is peace in our time!"

Mercedes S-Class: [cuts off Skoda]

Jaguar XJ: "Oh dear."

Mercedes S-Class: "Now you will allow me to pass."

Jaguar XJ: "Ah, this is jolly well cocked up, but I say, I cannot allow you to proceed when I have the right of way, even at the cost of my flawless paint."

Mercedes S-Class: "Very vell..."

Jaguar XJ: [braces for impact]

Camaro: "Ay, what da fuck is all dis? You, krautwagen, getouddaheah."

Mercedes S-Class: [slams on brakes, comes to shuddering stop]

Jaguar XJ: [Continues on, slowly, until radiator hose blows]

Camaro: [pulls burnout, swerves off road, sideswipes tree]

Victorious Secret > Vizzini 02/03/2014 at 17:15

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Everyone to the Honda: Why hasn't your VTAK kicked in yet?

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Vizzini 02/03/2014 at 17:17

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Morgan : (indecipherable West Midlands blather, ending in "arr?")

dogisbadob > Vizzini 02/03/2014 at 17:18

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BMW asshat car:

wkiernan > Vizzini 02/03/2014 at 17:18

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Over the crest of the hill chuffs a wheezing Lada, which promptly breaks down. Then another. Then another and another. Then hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of them.

Bad Idea Hat > Vizzini 02/03/2014 at 17:32

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Nah, I'm good.

Supreme Kiwi Zorro > Vizzini 02/03/2014 at 17:37

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Porsche: "Is there anyone with OnStar? Please ask for help! The human inside me is doing a terrible job performing a handjob on my gear shift! I can feel the leather peeling!"

Chevy: "Too much information, bro." * drives off *

Stef Schrader > Vizzini 02/03/2014 at 18:04

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Why do I think this would lead to my Lancer humping another car like an excited little puppy?

Can't.

Shake.

Mental.

Image.

Vizzini > Stef Schrader 02/03/2014 at 18:33

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Geely: [eyes Stef's Lancer warily]

The Transporter > Vizzini 02/03/2014 at 19:12

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Cars Communicating: Do we really want them talking to each other? (2014) - IMDB

Cast, in order of appearance:

Stephen Fry ... Jaguar XJ

Christoph Waltz ... Mercedes S-Class

Marion Cotillard ... Citroen C6

Robert De Niro ... Camaro

Vizzini > The Transporter 02/03/2014 at 19:35

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Yes.

Old-Busted-Hotness > Vizzini 02/04/2014 at 07:12

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GMC Yukon: Hodor, Hodor, Hodor

Prius: You guys should really try, like, not using so much gas and stuff, cause you know, like save the planet? And like, being green and stuff? You totally should.

Lincoln Town Car: Turning left, turning left, turning left, turning left...

Minivan: Dear God, kill me now. I can't get the smell of sour milk out of my carpet and the dinosaur stickers on my dash are humiliating!

BMW: Outta my way, I'm so important! Somewhere two parking spots are waiting for me!

Triumph: Teddibly sorry about the smokescreen, chaps. Really don't know what's come over me.

Chevy Caprice: Hey man, these donk rims weren't my idea. I'd rather go back to being a taxi.

Crown Vic: PULL OVER IN THE NAME OF THE LAW! Ha ha, fooled you!

Stef Schrader > Vizzini 02/04/2014 at 13:54

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!

No!

BeholdTheCamaro > Vizzini 02/09/2014 at 18:05

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Range Rover: "Self-destructing in 3, 2, 1"